Recipe for Survival (Part II) Giving

I am writing this particular blog because it was requested from a friend of mine. After a little time and some careful thought, this is what I came up with. This blog deals with depression. After experiencing a little, I realized that many of you are going through the same thing. With the holidays here, I am sure it has not made it any better. So I thought "Since the Holidays don't make your problems go away, now is just as good a time as any to deal with the issue."

The last week of October was quite monumental for me. My grandfather died. I am fine and my family is fine. He'd been sick for a while, but it still hurt. It was the first time I had ever experienced the death of someone close to me as an adult. It really made me see how swiftly life passes. It made me realize how we wallow so hard in our own self pity that we forget about the world around us. There is so much going on and everything is moving so fast that we forget to slow down, take a moment, and help others in any way we can. We don't have a lot to give, but we should give what we have. Giving makes us open to receive gifts, and friends, and moments.

I realized every moment I spent with my grandfather was a special one. When he died I got a little down for a while. It made me understand some things:

1. I knew it was a great time for a blog, it would help me deal with the emotions I was feeling.
2. Others were feeling the same way, because it was during this time I got the text from my friend requesting I write a blog on depression.
3. I could absolutely relate to how depressed people felt. The darkness was calling my name, I kid you not.

I knew I needed to deal with these feelings. I could have easily gone to a doctor and asked for a perscription, saying to myself and to him, "I need something to cope." However, that is not what I suggest you do. One suggestion is get involved. For me, I knew I had to volunteer later that week, I had people depending on me to help them. It also gave me something to look forward to. There is something in being needed that makes your endorphins flow. It literally makes you happier to be a part of something that is bigger than you. You learn a lot about yourself when you volunteer. It is knowing that you are there for something other than yourself. It is the changing of your perspective. It is giving. Medication just covers the symptoms, it does not deal with the problem. You must learn to deal with your problems. If you wouldn't pick up a liquor bottle everytime you felt you couldn't deal with the pains of life, why would you pop a pill?

I understand the need to take a mental break sometimes. I understand the fact that you cry and get upset; I do too. I want you to take this with you -you can't let these "issues" stop you in your tracks and cause you to sink. Have you ever seen an anchor hold down one of those cruise ships? You cannot let your problems become your anchor. Deal with your problems one at a time. You know the old addage, "Rome wasn't built in a day?" or "Don't bite off more than you can chew?" Prioritize and deal with the biggest issues first. Sometimes you may have to break those big problems up into bite-sized peices. Remember, people understand how you feel. Most people have been there and will help in any way they can. Once you start giving, people will give to you.

With the Holidays here, it is a perfect time to give. Give a waitress an extra good tip, or give a kid a basketball. Give free piano lessons, a shoulder to cry on, or clothes to good will. It dosen't matter what you give, and you don't need a reason and an excuse to give. It really warms my heart this time of year to see how wonderful people are and how freely they give. I just wish we would find an "excuse" all year long. That would be nice. You could start giving now and give a little something all year long and we could start the trend; a pay it forward type of thing. Get involved. Volunteer at a children's home, or homeless shelter. Life is not just about you. And I think the sooner we learn that as a country and as a human race, the better off we will be.

You have to get up. You can't stay there forever. Things will change when you change.

Keep Going,
A

Homework: Add 1 Cup of giving, by doing something nice for a stranger. (Pay it Forward)

Remember, there are places that offer assistance if you are in need of help.

Nike's got it...Just do it

I can always tell when blog time is coming because everything starts becoming a lesson. When I say everything, I mean everything. I heard a story about 2 weeks ago from my best friend. She and a neighbor were sitting around talking about how nice it would be to get all the kids in the neighborhood together, and how they should "do something." My friend Erin says, "Then let's do it!" And they proceeded to plan a neighborhood get together. Erin told me this to make the point that "we are do-ers."

We are do-ers; I have not stopped analyzing myself since then. Was I a do-er? I truly believe in order to help someone you have to go through it yourself. This is where my "inspiration" comes from. This is what I have come up with...I can think of many times I said 'I wanted to..." something. I wanted to move to Columbia several years before I actually did it. But I never did honestly for any reason I could come up with. I remember one particular time when I was sitting in a professor's office in college having a conversation about something I wanted to do, and I remember him saying so clearly, "Nike's got it, Just Do It." That is all I remember from the conversation that particular day, nothing else. I have used that quote several times since then.

Excuses arise so easily when its time for the rubber to meet the road. And all too often do we let them stop us from doing what we "wanted to." Only you know what you "wanted to" do. And only you know why you haven't. Sometimes we get so hung up on what we "wanted to" do that we actually forget to do it. At some point planning has to stop and action has to start. (That came from another friend!)

I want to tell you a story. I lived in Myrtle Beach, SC before moving to Columbia. My parents lived there, I went to Coastal Carolina University there, I had a life, a very good job as a teacher, a boyfriend, and not to mention a really nice apartment. Everything was going great, and I was happy. Then, as things go sometimes, you know-we get to a crossroads, or some type of turmoil. We are confused, scared, and ready to pull our hair out. We never know what to do when we get like this. (I want to give you a small clue to life, this is when you know change is coming. These moments, are precursors to change.) I had no "extra" money. I depleted my savings by taking a job closer to home that paid a lot less. I went to work one day and handed in my resignation. I did it. I made the decision to leave.

Some decisions are not easy, but you have to make them. If a decision needs to be made, why not be the one to make it? I hate hearing people say, "the ball is in his/her court." Why put your happiness/fate/life/decision, in someone else's hands? That statement is truly a cop out. You only make that statement because of fear. Fear of change.

If you stayed in a situation and nothing ever changed how would we know what was out there? I came here to Columbia pretty much on a whim and this has been my greatest adventure yet. I didn't have a job when I moved here. I had no idea how I was going to pay my rent, car payment, etc. But, I had to do it. Life needs a few whims. You have to be ready to initiate changes. You have to just do it. Stop saying you are going to do something and do it. I have never been happier in my life. And I would have never known what was out there for me if I had not jumped. Sometimes we just have to jump and excuses be damned.

Keep Going,
Amie

Get your Boxing Gloves

The only way we as human beings can measure our progress in life is how we deal with adversity. Adversity is described as a state of hardship or affliction; misfortune or, a calamitous event in the Webster dictionary. Basically the downs of life's ups and downs. Or some may call it a "bump in the road" the thing about adversity is that it defines a person. Some people will roll over and play dead others look adversity in the face and fight it. What I mean by how we measure ourselves is that when we roll over, we give up. We let the problems of life take a toll on us; we become bitter and weak. We never forgive others or ourselves when we let adversity win.

When we fight it we grow. We become stronger and we start to say what we can or cant do, and that is a big deal. If we get into adversity and get out of it when the next adverse situation arrives we say to ourselves, "Well, this isn't as bad as last time" or "I have done this before." We are always putting it to the test. I had a mentor say one time when you become uncomfortable you are growing. In dealing with adversity you have to be willing to grow and change. Adversity is making you stronger than you were before. You have to fight it. You have to work your way through it. You have to keep going.

The thing about adversity that makes some want to roll over an play dead is the fact that adversity is simply change in the making. Since people fear change they fear adversity. I will be the first to admit that adversity is no fun at all. Who in their right mind wants to be uncomfortable? We as humans strive on homeostasis, or balance. This unbalance can occur in several ways, it can be heartache, death, trauma, or even a bad diagnosis. When these things arrive at our doorstep, we have to answer the door, then go back in the house and get our boxing gloves.

You have to say to yourself, I will not let this beat me. I have done this before and I will do it again. You may get tired and you may become weary, but change is not always bad. Sometimes it is looking to the future and letting go of the past that will pull you through. Sometimes it is discovering that you are stronger than you thought you were, or that you have everything that that person shared with you to take you through life. Facing adversity will be hard, but look to your friends, hobbies, or family to help you through.

You will make it if you keep going,
Amie Barr, MA

A Change In Perception

I speak from experience when I say that I have had some very bad days. Some days I want to just shut the door to my office and not even socialize with the ladies I work with. Just because I choose to inspire and motivate does not exempt me from being human, it just helps with the rough times. Yesterday, for example, was one of those days. I was just not having a good day, then my coworker got a phone call. A man that was very close to her family got killed. Not only did he die, but he died a very horrible death, on his wedding anniversary leaving behind two very small daughters. That put a whole new change in perception for my problems and what I was feeling.

You feel how you feel, that is fact. No one expects you to feel great all the time, but it is how you handle your feelings that makes you a champ or not. When you feel bad you can not commence to make others around you feel bad. If you are having a bad day, keep that to yourself, it is not your duty to go around trying to make others feel like you feel, that is selfish. And it is not fair to your family, your friends, or those around you trying to have a good day. You have to learn to push through those bad feelings and wait on your perception change. Perception changes happen all the time. Sometimes you may not see them, or you may not want to see them. But it is up to you to continue to look for the better in the bad. Those feelings will not last forever, just a moment, then it is a new day.

We take that new day and embrace it. We don't think about yesterday or tomorrow. Live in the present, once a day is gone, we can not get it back. What will you do with your new day? You don't want to waste your day doing something that is unproductive or negative. You don't want to spend your day with a bad attitude. You want to spend your day making yourself and others feel appreciated. There will be bad days, sad days, and mad days, but those days are few and far between. We will not look for those days, but when those days come we will look for perception changes so that we can get over that hump and move on to something new and exciting.

Tell someone a good joke or story. Spread joy and love not just because it is the Holidays, but because it is the right thing to do.

Keep Going...Amie